Ladies and gentlemen, she's back and
she has a new man, which of course means new muchene. Woohoo! Given how hectic
the comments section was on her last post (if you didn't read them,
you really should, buggers went above and beyond. Hell, songs were quoted...), I don't think I
need to waste your time with elaborate explainers or disclaimers. Read, enjoy, discuss at length...
We are in an open
relationship.
When I went to
pick Brian up from the stage, I was literally thunderstruck by his
looks. He is just too good looking. He took away my power of speech,
6ft tall and golden, dressed in casual shorts and a sports vest. I
hadn’t realized he was this handsome before. Let me back up a
little.
I met Brian at
sporting event; he came with his group of friends and I had come my
with group of friends, and afterwards we all had dinner and drinks
together, friended each other on Facebook and went our separate ways.
He didn’t particularly stand out then, but later we started talking
on Facebook inbox.
May I take a
detour here to illustrate how not to pick up a girl on Facebook? The
other day, I changed my profile picture to one where all the good
angles of my face are shown, you know the picture where you get the
photo filters and your expression just right. It got over 100 likes.
So I was not surprised when I received an inbox from one of the many
strangers who are my friends on Facebook.
I was abroad the
time so I sent him the link, knowing he would have to board a few
planes to arrive at my destination.
I lost interest at
this point (and I believe in honesty so I told him) but anyway, is
this how easily men get lunch invitations? All you have to do is say,
“You look good,” and the lady is just ready to cook you lunch.
Back to Brian.
Our conversation
on Facebook was of course mundane, but interesting. It just naturally
meandered to topics of mutual interest, neither of which was lunch or
Langata, and a date was set to watch football one Sunday evening at
my place as I have quite a sizeable 42 inch screen.
I honestly hadn’t
thought beyond a mutual friendship until that afternoon, I wasn’t
even sure I was picking the right person but he was the only one at
the stage! He got into the passenger side, said hallo and I mumbled
something back. I was going to stop by Uchumi for some beer and
snacks, he’d brought some whiskey with him. On the way there, I
almost caused an accident, I was completely distracted from my
driving. I hadn’t seen the red light at the roundabout and so
joined the traffic blindly, almost getting hit on the right by a car
that was exiting the roundabout. I had to tell myself, Ann, eyes on
the road, eyes on the road, calm down, breathe…but in spite of my
erratic driving we made it home in one piece.
Another friend
joined us and we drank beer and watched the game, then the friend
left and it was just the two of us. It was past midnight, way past
the last matatu operating hours, so like a good host I offered Brian
a place to sleep. I didn’t want to drive tipsy, I had been erratic
enough sober. I live in a one bedroomed place so I dragged the spare
mattress to the sitting room and readied it.. sheets and blankets and
pillows. I was going to take a shower before sleeping but Brian
wanted to take one too, so I let him go first because he’d probably
be quicker.
When he came out
of the bathroom I caught my breath, again, at the sight of him, towel
around his waist. I know some women say they can’t date a man who
is lighter skinned than them, but I don’t mind light(sic)-skinned
guys, in other words I don’t mind colour(sic) at all. Brian is
super fit and athletic, he was rubbing his hair in a nonchalant way
telling me, “The bathroom is all yours now...” When I came out of
the shower, he was still lounging on the mattress shirtless, he
smiled at me, our eyes locked, and suffice to say I never made it
back to my bedroom.
Later in the week,
the friend who had watched the game with the both of us asked me
about Brian and I… I told him, um, you know nothing much going on
there. He told me good, because I know Brian’s girlfriend. Just
check on Facebook, it’s there.
Blood was rushing
to my head and I was of course mostly in denial like, no way... I
have seen his Facebook page several times. When I went back however,
one particular girl stood out, they were together in a lot of photos
at a lot of events. There was no need to make assumptions, I
immediately opened Whatsapp and typed a quick, “Hey, how are you?”
When he replied, my next question was, “Is Karen your girlfriend?”
“We are in an
open relationship.
“We are
currently seeing other people as things are a little strained at the
moment. To be fair, I probably should have told you earlier, I’m
sorry. We can talk about it next time we meet.”
I thought this is
insane. Open relationships, like 3somes, are things we read about in
magazines and on internet blogs, but we don’t do them in real life.
Or do we? Before Brian I had never met anyone in an open
relationship. How do you like someone and you don’t mind them
getting it on with other people? He told me they don’t tell each
other, you don’t ask, you don’t tell.
I was about to
start asking more questions, like, so when did this happen? Why did
you decide to have an open relationship instead of just breaking up?
And he was like, do you really want to know? I thought about it and
responded, “No actually, I don’t.” I want to feel those arms
around me and touch that firm chest and feel the six pack and enjoy
the friendship that comes with no strings, if there is such.
It is very easy to
over think this. I think in this open relationship thing, I am the
“open” (no pun intended), and the girlfriend is the
“relationship”, and I can’t help but wonder how many of us
girls are in the “open” group? Now every time I see a Facebook
post where he is tagged with a girl I can’t help but wonder… Of
course I shouldn’t wonder, it doesn’t bother me that much but I
am new to this and I don’t know many of the rules of open
relationships. I just know I shouldn’t ask, and I shouldn’t tell.
This means that I too am free to meet up with whomever I feel like,
whenever. This can go on until everyone in the world is in an open
relationship with basically everyone else… I am totally confused.
A ping arrives on
my phone. It’s a Whatsapp from Brian.
“Hey, you free
tonight.”
Life isn’t about
overthinking things. It’s about taking chances at happiness. My
body remembers his touch.
“Sure.”
I drop him a PIN
of my exact location so he doesn’t have to call me for directions
every few minutes.
If you read this
blog, what’s your experience/opinion on open relationships? Any
advice for this novice?
You know your reputation is in the
toilet when someone sends you a tale of bad sex, unsolicited. Why,
you ask, would a lady feel compelled to do this? That's exactly what
I asked her, once I was done laughing. She proceeded to point out
the numerous tales of bad sex on this here blog, to which I
responded, aha. Ladies and gentlemen, my lovelies, this is now,
officially, where (y)our bad sex comes to die. It's bloody
brilliant! Or not, who knows? Moving swiftly along. This tale; it's short, it's not sweet, it is hilarious and it's oh so sad, but
only for Tom Cruise*. Ann, short for anonymous (she has no
intention of sticking her name, real or imagined on this little piece
of brilliance), is one of you silent lurker types who like to wander
the corridors all stealthy like, apparently taking notes to use
against me at a later date when I run for president (evil little
buggers). This is her contribution to the sewer, a refreshingly
honest take on sex between consenting adults and all (well, some) of
the perils that lie therein. Don't be scared, this tale is neither
crude nor rude (who knew it could be done this way?). Enjoy, then
dive into what I suspect may end up being quite the raucous conversation
down below (my hand is already in the air, I have muchos questions...).
Disposing of...
So I rise to go
pee and in my toilet bowl, there is a used condom staring back at me.
I am stunned. No, not at the condom, but at the location. Who, in
their right mind, disposes of a condom in the toilet? Well, at least
he didn’t flush the toilet so it is easy to wear a plastic bag, and
dispose it properly. Oh wait, this hits me that he didn’t flush the
toilet! Now I am wondering which is worse... is he one of those
people who don’t flush the toilet after peeing? But at least the
non-flushing will not lead to a clogged up pipe system in the
future... So why did he just leave it there, like seriously, where
does he expect it to go? Sigh. There is so much to teach this guy, I
thought he was a man, but it just hit me he is a boy.
Wait, I just got a
flashback. We have been walking the corridors of the workplace, and
sometimes he pops into the gent’s and each time he comes out, his
hands are completely dry. Which is odd because our hand driers take
forever to work; there are no paper towels to be seen around! What a
pet peeve! A non-flusher and non-hand washer... I should have known,
but perhaps lust, like love, is like wool over the eyes of the
beholder. I should have known he was a boy and not a man!
Okay this post is
now becoming bad poetry so let us get to the crux of the matter.
After all the preliminaries had been set aside, we set a date and
time. My place. We had dinner that I had made. We started making out.
The kissing wasn’t too bad, but you could tell he has been watching
too many movies because, ladies and gentlemen, kisses shouldn’t
start all at once unless you were out somewhere building it up and
the passion is bridling. But from a banal dinner (there were no
candles or such), the tension should be allowed to build. Our movie
star firmly planted his mouth on mine and we could hardly breathe.
Naturally matters progressed to the bed where you think, okay, slow
down, but no, the scene has to act out like in a movie, clothes are
being pulled off faster than the speed of light. I tried to put away
my glasses safely on the table, but Tom Cruise was having none of
that, on the floor they went (he, later on, stepped on them on the
way to un-flush the condom). The lady received one lick of a nipple
and that was all that counted as the foreplay, before our hero
swiftly wore the said condom and in the same manner proceeded to
thrust for at most 4 minutes. I thought he had stopped to, you know,
change position or something, but no, it was over.
I guess it is
partly my fault too, I should have taken control, slowed Tom Cruise
down, showed him how it is done. He has potential, I think, but I
don’t feel like teaching a man who is around 30 the basics of sex
(you can’t learn these things from movies guys, the movies are
edited!). However, I am still recovering from the trauma of a condom
in the toilet, unwashed hands (I picture crawlies on unwashed hands,
is it just me?), movie-star tendencies of breathless kissing and
flying clothes, consequently, shattered glasses (do you know how much
a decent pair of spectacles cost?), and worst of all, I still can’t
get the question of “Hii ni nini?” in response to the salad that
I served, the man has never had raw vegetables. Gosh, I thought that
we are now all beyond the village ways and into the world of
sophisticated dining, Caesar's salads et al? This is where you just
ask, kai ni kii?
From now on, the
get to know phase will include questions like, do you know what salad
is? How do you dispose a condom? I need someone to help me wrap it
all into diplomatic language. Suffice to say, there were no
sleepovers that day. This post (This is about (bad) sex) should all
make us better lovers, I hope. Happy sexing ladies and gentlemen.
This post is fucking hilarious. I had
to say it, upfront. I'm itching to let you get on with it, but
before you do I must introduce my most illustrious guest. Ladies and
gentlemen, meet Ms Savvy, recent inhabitant of the comments section
here in our little corner of the interwebs. She's a blogger of many
years (Savvy Kenya),
hell, she's pretty much blog royalty in my book. She's a techie,
mother, AFC fan, writer, new car owner (just saying)... Have I left
anything out? Ah yes, she's off to Japan in a few days to get
herself a second MSc in Artificial Intelligence and such like,
because one MSc is just never enough, is it? She's sharp, is all I'm
saying, in both mind and wit. And she has a wee fondness for our little sewer. Which brings me to this post...for real, I’m so
excited I'm clapping, while I type...my lovelies, there is nothing better than an intelligent woman who can talk smut, smart, as you shall soon discover.
As always the disclaimer. This is a
tale from the sewer and therefore it will be both rude (but only
slightly) and crude (maybe slightly more), but, and I don’t often
get to say this here, in a very good way. If you blush at the
mention of porn, you might want to leave now...
How to make (good)
pornography.
On
Sundays, Kenyans on twitter are rather idle, and there is always
something brewing. Nothing ever serious though, just trivial things
blown out of proportion for the entertainment of us, idle tweeps.
Like recently, there was talk of 37 million shillings. A chick had
turned down 37M in return for her phone number! If someone offered me
37M for my phone number, I’d even draw them a map to my shagz.
Everyone on my timeline was wondering how that was possible, they
were all fantasizing about what they could do with 37M if they got
it. Sadly, nothing imaginative though, beyond buying land and maybe
some ugly Range Rover (I am seriously digressing, Alex-style, but
hear me out). I am always curious and rarely jump into discussions
without knowing their origins. I found the original tweet and it went
like, “A dude last night was trying to impress me into giving him
my number be saying he sealed a deal of 37 million.” Now I
understand, I also wouldn’t give such a person my number! He was
probably just a broker and his cut could be 37K only. Wealthy people
don’t talk about their money. Which reminds, there was the time I thought had met a rich politician, a guy who talked about money on the very first time we met
accidentally. So much for the shopping trips to London & Paris,
nkt! Now a girl has to go and make her own money, SMH.
Back to the topic
at hand, enough of the detour. On another idle Sunday, I stumbled on
people talking about a Florence Wambui. I immediately did a search on
twitter for the name. I stumbled on the original account, describing
herself as “Kenya’s Most Famous Porn Star” and “Queen of
Anal” or something along those lines. I didn’t bother with the
tweets, they weren’t likely to be witty anyway. I started scrolling
through the pics, and my oh my! Gross & grotesque pictures of her
licking some not-so-good-looking pale dick, pictures of her getting
some dick anally (she insists you must use a condom if anal), blurry
pictures in lodgings (likely those that have different coloured
slippers), and a few pictures of her in clothes. Pictures of her with
cum on her face (how the fuck is this sexy? Sorry digressing again).
And so on, and so forth. She looks way better in clothes than
without.
So my tweet on the
topic was something like “Florence Wambui: Now I cannot unsee what
I just saw”. And Alex responded that she thought the porn pics were
of rather poor quality. I agreed 100%. Not that I am a big consumer
of porn, but I don’t have to be an expert to tell you that porn
pics should hold your attention in a positive way, should at least be
a contributing factor in turning you on, rather than be a big turn
off. They’re there to whet your appetite, not to make you lose it.
So here I am writing a guide for good porn (pics).
First of all,
sexual organs, dicks & pussies, are decidedly unsexy (this post
should come with a caveat for family unfriendly language haha). They
rarely look good on camera. Which is why a combination of Brazilian
waxing, makeup, photoshop and video graphics are vital when taking
and publishing porn pics online. The angle of taking the picture, the
lighting, the mood (hehe) all have to contribute in making everything
as attractive as inhumanly-possible. Same goes for the supporting
body parts, thighs, arms, faces etc. Waxing. Make up. Photoshop.
Video enhancing graphics. Surgically enhance body parts if necessary.
For everyone who will appear in the picture/video. This leads me to
the second tip of the guide.
The camera and
lighting is everything. When the subject is coated in enough make up,
under a very good camera, anyone can create that fantasy image
popular in porn. Don’t take photos with your Nokia Asha and upload
them unedited. If you’re going to be Kenya’s number porn star,
please put some effort into it. I see it with our “socialities”,
for example see Huddah’s latest hoodie photos.
Get a good camera, those with lenses you can replace. Then get a good
set of lights. I am not a good photographer, I am not even a poor
photographer; but these are the basics, everybody knows it. You
cannot make a porno without investing in a good camera, a set of
lights and those reflector things. Fine, let’s say you have a high
end phone, like my current phone with 13MP (but do I say). In good
natural lighting, it can take some very nice pics. There might come
(sic) a moment when you don’t have your camera and have to take the
picture with your phone. This is where filters come in. Instagram has
filters. Pixer-or-matic is another app full of good filters. Make
good use of them to mask the imperfect, enhance the good features and
create the fantasy. And come to think of it, you should really not be
taking spontaneous pics, rather pose every moment to perfection. How
else will you get people to buy your porn?
I am going to take
a break here to rant a bit. Porn is fantasy. They have made things
like cumming in someone’s eye(!) or anal sex (for women)
attractive. I think all it does is make your asshole loose and sooner
rather than later you may have to wear adult diapers. Anal is just
not my thing (sorry Flo!) but I think her target audience is sex
pests tourists. Someone explained to me the pleasure in anal sex for
men, something about the prostrate being rubbed and you feel good. If
you’re a man reading this, and have had your prostrate checked, is
it true? But anyway, porn caters to people’s fantasies, be it
dick-milking machines or horses or whatever. Just don’t try that
shit in real life. Haha… Okay, back to my last point on this guide.
I can’t say I
have watched local porn, but it exists. Luo, Kikuyu porn. In campus,
there is a dude who had Kyuk porn on his flash disk but he deleted it
before I could watch. Nothing as wrong as hearing sex talk in your
mother tongue, but maybe that’s just me. So I am not sure if they
have such a thing as concept, plot or storyline. Since porn = fantasy
(I am glad we agree on this point), then create the fantasy, act out
the part, and deliver. Find the perfect location, or create the
backdrops and props so required. A good camera, good lighting. The
storyline: school girl & teacher, MILF, best friends, etc. Of
course when all is said and done, it basically gets down to the
mashing of body parts together and we go back to point #1. Makeup for
the bodies to be flawless, evenly toned, and very attractive.
Oh, Kenyans
reported the original Florence Wambui account and it got suspended,
but she resurfaced with another account, just search the name you may
find it on twitter. She wants to be president in 2017, I guess
following in the footsteps of Kingwa Kamencu, who released some nudes
recently. I think I have surpassed the word count limit, let me stop
here.
You know how I sometimes get a bug up my ass about serikali, ranting endlessly, foaming at the mouth and ef'thing? And you know how you then ignore me? Right. So what I did was go out and rope in a fellow ranter, figuring, safety in numbers. Woi... This bugger takes it to a whole other level, and he does it with a bit of Latin thrown in, just because. The Wolf needs no introduction around here, he's the lurking presence in my comments section, always ready to pounce on the unsuspecting half wit who has the gall to say something foolish in his presence. He only ever snarls at me, for the record, and yes, I know what that says about my wits, but there you have it. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Howling Wolf, author of the brilliant blog, The Reluctant Kenyan. With a name like that, it should come as no surprise that the content is somewhat unflinching, but don't let that scare you off, the man has poetry, and kickass music. Assuming jazz and classic rock can be considered kickass. Don't look at me like that, I'm not uncultured, I just don't think of kicking ass whilst listening to a trombone solo. Do you? Didn't think so. In keeping with his love of random music, his pick for the soundtrack today, Fela Kuti's 'Shuffering and Shmiling' [see soundtrack], 22 minutes (almost as long as this post) of afro jazz funk soul. You shall see the reason for this particular track in due course...
ALEX: So I was at your blog earlier,
trawling through your archive, and my first question has to be, what
the hell, man?
HOWLING WOLF: Is that a question or an exclamation?
Why have you stopped blogging?
Now the question! Why have I
stopped blogging? Well technically, I haven't stopped, just taken a
sabbatical. Indefinite.
Why?
Writer's block, among other things, if
I may elevate myself to that status. And a number of other reasons
mostly to do with the nature of blogging...
Did you not enjoy it?
No, I thoroughly enjoy blogging.
Except it is a bit like one having fun with oneself, if you catch my
drift. Especially where nobody but one or two fanatical followers
are the only ones interested in what you're saying. It gets to that
point you're never sure whether even those ardent followers are not
just continuing out of a sense of obligation. Does that sound
pitiful?
Not pitiful, but then again I may be
the wrong person to ask, no? Hahahaha...
Insert wry smile.
Did it bother you that the followers
weren't flocking to your blog? It sounds like you were disappointed
with the reception you got, or lack thereof.
To be honest I don't know what I
expected. I suppose I'd been pacing my mental room with all these
issues/ideas/perspectives, which I needed to share with
someone/anyone who would care to listen/read and engage me in an
interesting way (or not at all). Then I started writing and I am not
sure whether it is my style or the content or the timing or what, but
I just didn't seem to resonate with many people, so my mojo kinda
flagged. I'd always kidded myself that fame means two-bob, but fame
and followership is kinda nice in a cheap sort of way. We all want
cheap and nice, don't we?
Cheap and nice does sound quite
appealing, but we know it's never that easy. So you were looking to
engage, and you think you failed to resonate. I'm wondering, did you
have an ideal in your head? A site, or blog, that you looked at and
thought, 'That's my kinda shit, I wanna do that...' I suspect that
offends every hair in your wolf fur, the idea of copying, but it's
not meant in that sense.
No,
no, no! I'm not offended in the least. I fancy myself as being open
minded so I don't mind learning a thing or two from my betters and my
peers. Here are two examples of brilliant blogs in my estimation, Deconstructing Myths and Naked Chiefs.
Oh and how could I forget Gathara's World, the man is pure genius!
What is it about these that you
like? The writing, content? Or the communities they have...
These guys ain't just mouthing smut.
They think, then they write and then the writing is deceptively
simple yet complex. Does that even begin to make sense?
It does. I follow two of those
sites. Incidentally, I always notice the lack of visible interaction
in the comments section, which is not to say they don't have traffic.
How sure are you about that? You have
their stats?
No stats, it's an assumption I make
based on how often their sites are quoted...
Ah. You see, one of them happens to be
Charles Onyango Obbo, one of the most quotable writers on Planet
Africa, and beyond. And he has a massive following from his regular
journalism work. The other is Gathara. I think he has been doing
this thing and doing it well for quite a while now. And he has
maintained a sober and objective stance on issues regardless of
prevailing fads. Perhaps one can still get the attention/traffic
eventually. Even me. :)
You've just made my point for me.
Ha! Both of them have profiles as writers, yours will take time to
build.
That is the point exactly: I have no
time. I am of the Microwave generation. Instant everything!
Are you willing to give us, raia,
some time to find you? Well, them raia, I was one of the two
fanatics you referred to earlier. :-D Hang on...so you packed it in
because you couldn't be bothered to wait? Hahahaha...
Well maybe, I am stranger than fiction
sometimes. Why you laugh Gawd only knows!
What's your take on our security
situation?
There are many kinds of security:
physical, social, economic, macro, micro...which one?
Pick one...
Physical! Mostly I'm scared shitless
that some idiot is about to plant a bomb in my shopping basket in the
name of an extremely intolerant God. Or shoot my little boy in the
head... Or abduct my little girl and take her to some strange place
in Cameroon where no satellite picture can pierce the canopy of the
tropical forest... But worse, I fear that some cop, in the guise of
smoking out a terrorist, will smoke me instead and claim that I have
links with you-know-whom... Especially when I can't pay enough to
leave me and mine well alone. Enough?
Continue...
Now let me tell you something about
Social Security. It is in the hands of NSSF, right. That is just
money I will never access. Money to build someone else's mansion
with. So should I invest in my children so that they will wipe my
arse when I'm ninety? Now that is expecting too much already, no?
So should I buy plots of land which I will develop for income when I
am old? Well, that's how to get killed by your own children sooner.
Or Mungiki. Social security my foot and my five toes!
So no social security whatsoever
then? And no physical security, and no economic security...
No SECURITY!
I'm going to go out on a limb and
say you're not feeling too optimistic. But you have kids, my friend,
a wife, family, all that good stuff, what happens to them?
When there is no security, you hanker
down and let the bloody storm blow over. If it takes an eternity, so
be it! See, I am not the one who wrought this madness called life
and sat back to admire my handiwork. My role is just to live it. I
try.
Can we talk about your family?
Thin ice that one, but okay. When I
snarl, you back off, deal?
Deal, nothing too personal.
Everything is too personal with me.
That's always part of the problem....
Everything? Woi... I shall tread
most lightly. Let's start with your mother
then, the post you did regarding Al Shabaab (Al-Shabaab – My mother was right). It takes skill to link your tough-as-nails mother with those
idiots, but I guess yours was a comment on how badly the government
handled things?
About the skill, thank you. Coming
from the formidable Alex, that is high praise.
Hahahaha. Shut up...
Surprisingly, I have never blamed the
government for bungling the handling of the terror attacks. Truth
is, I don't know enough to judge and I come from the standpoint that
the business of government is tough shit. We sometimes expect too
much from government, when in reality the resources to be all that is
non-existent. So I think I was ranting about Al-Shabaab mostly. And
my mother. But I'll have to re-read to post to remember everything I
said.
That's a surprisingly tempered view
of government and its (perceived) inadequacies, do you think we've
been too hard on them?
On Al Shabaab?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No, not al s., on government.
They've gotten a lot of stick on this one issue, not least from me.
This particular government has been
bedevilled by so many issues/ills I can't even begin to recount. But
this particular government has brought a lot of this shit on itself.
It is not governing. It is playing at governing as if this is some
kinda video game. The buggers think that they are in power to spin
yarn, which they also do badly. Honestly, a more savvy government
with oodles of statecraft could not have mismanaged every living
thing and day like this one.
Now that sounds more like the Wolf I
know. Thing is, you just said you don't blame them for bungling
stuff, but you think they brought it on themselves, or is this too
complex a problem to blame on one entity?
Yeah, I know that I sound like I'm
talking from both corners of my mouth but I have a point. The thing
is that, on a good day, governing is tough so if you want to govern a
country, don't make it about proving silly little points about how
macho you are. Firstly, these guys took the country hostage, knowing
all too well what the ramifications were going to be. I will not
even begin to discuss the legitimacy of their ascent to power. Then
they start sticking their grubby middle fingers at everyone else both
internally and externally. That is how you end up with pie on your
face when a real crisis hits. You have effectively isolated yourself
in your cesspool. So nobody supports you even when they'd want to or
when it would ordinarily make sense. And even I can't support you
because you're basically shit.
Nicely put sir. What was your
mother like? You called her a hard woman...
Hard. And soft. Conflicted
mostly. Which manifested itself as almost cruel. Give me consistency
any day. Hard or soft. Not both.
But where's the fun in that? Are
you much like her, cruel almost? You have (had...ahem) a blog that
was not easy reading, unflinching I should say. Your description of
her was almost a self portrait.
I don't know. Unhinged definitely.
Cruel? My daughter is the one to say. But I don't crunch little
insects underfoot just for the fun of it so I guess I'm not too bad.
But you can be quite scathing when
you put your mind to it, I've been the recipient right here in my own
house, because I had the audacity to celebrate (ha!). I guess I'm
asking if you see some of her in yourself.
Scathing? Yes. My middle name is
Scythe. So it follows. I see myself in my Mother. She loved nice
clothes and flowers. And she had a wonderful sense of humour.
Satirical, mostly. I think she was extremely intelligent as well.
Do you like nice clothes and
flowers? I believe you once described your fancy suits...
Clothes, I like understated elegance.
Flowers, I want to live in a garden. That is the dream. A lovely
cottage in a colourful garden far far away from the madding crowd.
Did you grow up in the city?
Nope. I am a farm boy. Wolves don't
belong in cities.
Where did you grow up? And might I
point out the wolves of Wall Street...
Oh those, those are mutants. I grew up
on a farm in a place called Londiani, which is in Kericho or
Kipekllion County (not too certain which).
And the plan is go back there one
day?
Highly unlikely. This is a tribalised
nation now. Someone might be tempted to lobe off my head just for
not being kosher. So I'd love to, but I'm wary. I happen to be the
wrong tribe.
How long have you been a resident of
this great city?
Donkey years really. Too long it seems
to me sometimes. Most of my grown up years. And I am NOT a young
man!
How old are you?
Let's just say I am about to start my
second adolescence.
I have no idea what that means.
Hahaha... This is the problem with you poet types, never speak
plainly.
In a couple of years, I may find myself
driving around in a red BMW convertible with the wind blowing my
non-existent hair, as I ogle girls my daughter's age. Is that plain
enough or must I write a number?
I'm contemplating the mental image
of you in a red car. Hahaha... Ghastly. There's something you just
said about not being able to go back. You don't think you could live
in Kericho county, as a Luo?
I can live there. On the edge.
Why on the edge?
Because that is the only space
available for anomalies like us.
Now that you need to explain
further.
It's quite plain really. We live in a
tribal nation. If you must live on a farm, best it be where all your
neighbours speak your language or else you'll be blamed for crop
failure and who knows what else, and who wants to know what they'll
do to you with their machetes and poisoned arrows.
Is this something that happened to
you, growing up?
No. It happened mostly when I'd
already grown. When I was growing up, what you encountered was good
natured ribbing which mostly went towards greasing camaraderie. Now
things are more poisonous. What you hear/see/feel is hate. Which
can quickly turn to your death.
You don't think things will ever go
back to how things were, two, three decades ago?
Frankly, no. There is no incentive.
Isn't there? We're too widely
dispersed to return to our 'proper' areas, we have to learn to get
along again, not because it's a nice sounding kumbaya moment, by the
way, but because there's limited space and even more limited
resources.
In rural Kenya, I suspect it will only
get worse with pressures on resources occasioned by too many hungry,
illiterate people. Perhaps in urban areas. But they too are getting
zoned along tribal lines, especially among the lower classes. So no,
return to innocence, if ever there was any.
That's a bleak prognosis...
Cancer is cancer, right?
Lakini...your cancer is painful,
man.
Tell me which isn't.
I don't agree, by the way. I choose
to believe that in a generation or two things will be better, less
vicious at any rate. The divisions will probably remain till the end
of days...
On the basis of what? Your say so?
On the basis of everything I've
learnt to date.
Educate me.
You need to understand, to a point
I'm a city girl, brought up right outside Nairobi, for all intents
inside Nairobi. I live with all manner of people, work with another
all manner of people, but more importantly, I'm of what I'm told is a
tribal majority. My perspective is very skewed on this, is all I'm
saying...
Do you know where hope comes from?
...I've seen my shags go from 99.99%
Kikuyu to...maybe 70% Kikuyu, and dropping. This is in my life time.
Like I said, mine is a very urban experience.
That is NOT integration. That is
commerce!
What is integration? Living
together, working together, fucking each other...praying together?
So you think a guy who lives all his
life next to an Asian family will be allowed to marry the girl in the
Asian home?
Hold that thought one
minute, and thank you for going there. Read this (Not Yet Kenyan).
So integration is about intermarriage, mixing of bloodlines?
No, it is about mindset. Forget the
fucking hardware, man. You can fuck a woman who is a cow for all you
care. But until you begin to think of her as a unique and special
human being who deserves everything you deserve then there is a
problem. You're still pushing your angle and you're still hang up on
your selfish superiority complex shit!
Equality, then...
Equality? Equality? That is too vague
a word. What does it even mean? Even Marxists, who fought over it
and killed themselves and other people over it, ended up just more
confused by the concept. I am talking more about human dignity and
respect. More woolly concepts perhaps but if I had a day I could
explain myself quite clearly.
Equality in the most simplest sense,
being able to see another as a person, like you said, and not a
lesser being. We'll ignore all the rest for now.
Yeah, I see. I agree.
Can we get there, in a few
generations, or is it a hopeless dream? You asked me what is hope,
what is it?
I asked where does hope comes from?
A stubborn refusal to accept
reality. Hahahaha...
Hehehehe!
And the grand delusion that we can
change the future.
Well I think it is a combination of the
two, no doubt, together with experiences that illustrate that what is
hoped for is achievable. For me, mostly, I have not had those
experiences. So I have stopped hoping.
Fair enough, but what about your
kids? You family types are always telling us how it's all about
their future, so what happens when you stop hoping?
What about my kids? Indeed, what about
them? I'll strive to feed them, protect them, house them, give them
my two cents worth about this and that and hope to God they fare
better than me, but I will not go as far as imagining that just
because they will be adults at a future date they're guaranteed a
better life. There is nothing in the works today to even remotely
suggest that.
You are intent on killing all my
hope, but it's okay, that's why it's delusional. :-D Now tell me,
have you read the 'Not Yet Kenyan' post?
Oh yeah, I read the beautiful post.
Very touching in a jarring sort of way. Makes you understand the
Asian Kenyan psyche a little better. And other things as well. Like
how we'll never really integrate.
The reason I brought it up is, in
many ways it reminded me of your blog, your first post, Being Luo.
That 'not yet Kenyan' theme runs through your writing as well. Have
I read you wrong?
You have read me right. Not yet Uhuru!
Not yet Kenyan! NOT BLOODY YET! Maybe NOT EVER!
Thing is, and this is why I have
been pestering you to have this convo with me, to the rest of us
(read Kikuyu's), we have no clue how that feels, not really. The
idea that some people in this country feel less than is as alien to
us as...anti corruption.
Well, there is a way a suburban white
man views racism. It is the stuff that pops up in his head when he
sees an old black lady being molested by neo-nazis on TV. Then he
asks himself a few academic questions and even manages a passing
comment to his children about treating fellow humans right. Then he
goes back to his insular smug life and forgets that there is a black
hell called the inner city, where everything you do including how
long you live is predicated upon the colour of your skin. This white
man's perception of reality is the privilege of privilege. You need
to live in the black inner city to care enough about racism, because
it touches you and yours viscerally. The same applies, mutatis
mutandis, to this being Luo thing. You need to be Luo to begin
to understand what the fear of GSU is like.
Mutatis mutandis?
With the necessary changes.
Aha. Stop getting legal on my ass.
I'll try to be kind to you, my dear
unschooled one.
Thank you, sir. Being Luo, describe
it to me, if you would. "Somehow, I got the impression that
to be Luo was considered intelligent and stupid at the same time."
That's off your post.
Can I describe what it means to be Luo?
Mostly you want to apologise for being who you are. Then you
realise that the people you want to apologise to are not even worthy
of the dirt you walk on. But still they think the world would be a
better place without you. And they make it so hard for you to be
anything useful just so they can prove to themselves that their
hypotheses were right. In other words, you feel fucked most of the
time...
Is this how it feels right now, in
this day and age of enlightenment? I'm being a bit sarcastic, of
course, but we'll come to that in a bit.
I was about to ask you what
enlightenment? We are all barbarians driving second-hand Prados in
silk suit's….
What I should have asked is, do you
feel this way today or was this something you felt growing up?
In a nutshell, now more than ever
before!
So even as you live in our allegedly
cosmopolitan capital, still fucked?
Let me tell you what would happen if I
was to try and run for the Chairmanship of our Estate's Association,
I'd lose. You know why? Because it will turn on which tribe I
belong to. Oh which reminds me. I had a worker in my employ who was
at one time overheard cussing at Luos and suggesting that they all go
back to Kisumu to fish. Do you catch the irony?
Your employee was cussing you and
yours out? Hahaha! Clearly not a genius, that one.
But still didn't stop him from thinking
himself superior to me, no?
I must play devil's advocate. Could
it be that an inferiority complex colours your interactions?
So a girl is raped and then we ask:
Could it be the size of your bottom got you raped?
I'm not blaming the victim here...
Well, I am, but I'm trying to prod you a little. Same way you have a
bunch of idiots walking around with a misguided sense of superiority,
could it be that we have another bunch with misguided inferiority?
It is easy to misguide yourself into a
sense of superiority, but what is there to be gained from beating
yourself into an inferiority complex? Just pain! Barring
sadomasochists, pain is not something a rational human being seeks.
This is something that someone else has to do to you.
We see these arguments being floated
all the time, in relation to racism, why can't these blacks stop
being so...black? What you're saying is Kikuyus, and the rest of the
majority (is there anyone else?) are just as ignorant in their
privilege?
They have starved everyone else of
everything and then they accuse everyone else of not having enough of
anything.
Is it purely about tribe, or does
class have anything to do with it?
Is it not? The class argument in our
country at this point in time is sophistry. Let us deal with the
tribe monster first. It is the elephant in the room. We don't need
to look at the mouse hiding behind it...
But the tribe argument puts you and
me on opposite sides by default, and I'm not sure I want to be put on
the side of the great oppressor, not when I'm feeling quite oppressed
myself.
Yes, we are on opposite sides. You may
not be interested in war but war is interested in you. That is the
nature of war. You have to define the enemy in simple terms. Oh,
that was partly Leon Trotsky.
That's a relief, talk of war right
now will have the internet police on our asses shortly. :-)
Hehehehe! I suspect you are right. Do
you know why in military parlance they say things like, "The
target has been eliminated?"
Leaving the human element out of the
conversation?
Precisely. If you want to hurt anyone
or dehumanise them, first depersonalize them. So call someone a kehe
and he is fair game...
Kihii. Look at me correcting you
like I'm an expert, I barely speak the language. Ha! So you reduce
me, (not) Alex, to a member of the evil tribe and that makes it
easier to write me off? Same applies to me, reducing Wolf to just
another Jaluo...
Welcome to Kenya.
This brings me back to hope. Is
there any?
No. There never was. And now there
never will be especially after Mpeketoni. We have crossed the
Rubicon...
Have we?
Is that a question?
It is. That's a hell of a thing to
say, 'crossed the rubicon'. Meaning we can't go back, the end is
nigh...
Or not. Things just won't be the same.
Whatever tenuous web held us together in the form of a nation is
broken. We're now officially a bunch of tribes trapped in a fish
bowl. The bigger fish just eat the small ones as the cat watches
from the outside bidding it's time. Enough said?
Not really. Hahaha. What do you
think of this terrorism saga? The attacks, the responses from
serikali...
Which one? There was NO terrorism and
I repeat NO terrorism. It was just local politics...
Woi. I need to cut that part of the
speech into a GIF, play it every time they scream terror from now on.
So, not a fan of the government line then?
So there is an attack today. It lasts
all of several hours. Tens are killed in a wanton orgy of violence.
You show up late - like back-up cops in B movies - well after the
hero (read villain in our case) has done the job. Then you tell us
you know who did it and why but you are also still investigating.
Rather confusing, no? Then you order a couple of guys suspended for
dereliction of duty whereas you are the chief of security. Then you
send in the army with body bags and the Nation Newspaper with banner
headlines. Like I said what the fuck? Oh, and now Luos are being
asked to leave Rift Valley...
I read something about that, is that
the media being silly as usual or is this really happening? It
bothers me that I second guess the papers these days. Sorry, that
was a detour.
The leaflets are real enough. How come
we have not sent a contingent of the army to guard Luo interests in
the Rift?
Luo interests? Surely you jest...
:-)
See, even you can't believe we have
interests. :)
Hahaha... Just toeing the party
line, sir.
Hehehehe!
Government doesn’t seem to care
about protecting Luo interests, but I haven’t seen Luo politicians
shouting about it, have they?
About what? Should they have to say
something for the rights of the Luos to be protected or do we deserve
our rights as a matter of course?
Assuming that the government feels
nothing, and it looks like it does in fact feel nothing, do you think
Luo politicians should be pushing a Luo agenda? In this case
demanding the rights not being given to you?
Luo politicians may not even get the
point I am making... I don't entirely trust politicians, whatever
their tribe. That is why I've always craved for something higher to
believe in, like a Constitution that is respected.
But Mr Wolf, the government is run
by politicians, politicians who suffer the same complexes as the rest
of us. Do you think the government as we know it respects the
constitution?
Now you get why I have officially given
up, don't you?
That's it? Really?
Really as in, you don't get? Like I'm
chicken or something?
You make a particularly inflammatory
comment earlier, 'we've crossed the rubicon...' and then you've given
up?
Inflammatory? Who you working for?
I'm trying to get you to retract it.
Hahaha. I might get shut down, my friend. Seriously though, you've
put me, and people like me, to task for our privilege. Fair enough.
But what about you and yours?
I'll say this. I have always longed
for a just society where more than anything, the content of my
character would be what seals my fate. That is verily what I desire
for my two little children. But I have lived most of my life with
the mirage of this utopia beckoning from a distance like a shameless
temptress, only to have the unattainability of it grind my hope to
ashes. Now I've come to terms with the fact that within this one
lifetime, many things will not be possible, including that very
society. So do I curl up and die? No. I wait for my rightful time
to die, whenever and however that will be. Meanwhile, I do my best
in the circumstances without working myself into dementia with false
hope purveyed by all and sundry at every turn. And I hope my
children don't make the same mistake of hoping as I did. I hope they
just learn to live with this shit and smile through their suffering.
I'm not sure there's anything I can,
or should, say to that.
Last bit. I'm looking for a clip I
want your comment on, one I suspect you know well,
it's the speech from 'Network'. In the words of whatever his name is, about 2
minutes in, “I'm not gonna leave you alone, I want you to get mad!”
I'm mad as hell, I'm not gonna take
this anymore! Question is, nitado?
That's what we need to figure out.
What are we gonna do? 'Nothing' hasn't worked too well for us, has
it?
You are an incorrigible romantic aren't
you? You refuse to believe that it is all lost yet it is. Because in
the grand scheme of things, you and I are really nothing. Really.
The best you can do is avoid as much pain as possible, but do not
expect joy or edification or any of that nonsense. The system wins.
I am incorrigible, romantic is yet
to be seen. :-) I can't accept that all is lost, sir, if I do then
it means there's no point to any of this.
Readers of these pages are no strangers to the idea that world political leaders across the spectrum are quite adept at stretching the meaning of The Consent of the Governed.
We now learn that nearly five years after former UK Prime minister Gordon Brownannounced a full public inquiry it seems that the public will never get to hear what George Bush said to Tony Blair in the run up to the War against Iraq. This despite a request by the official public inquiry into the conflict for the documents detailing their exchanges to be made available to the public.
Sir John Chilcot, head of the Iraq War inquiry has made a special deal with the UK government and accepted that the inquiry could look into talks between Mr Blair and Mr Bush before the start of war but the information would only be limited to 'quotes or gists'. It was also agreed that the inquiry could hear what Blair said to Bush but they could not report President Bush's comments.
Earlier this week, Mr Blair was quoted as saying that he was not the reason for the delay in publication of the report. “It certainly isn't me who is holding it up,” he told the BBC. “The sooner it is published the better from my perspective as it allows me to go and make the arguments.”
The inquiry also investigates, without apportioning blame, how the leaders presented the Case for war including the extent to which they both relied on a dossier that Secretary of State Colin Powell described as a fine paper, which amongst other things cited Saddam Hussein's possession of Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs) that could be launched against western capitals within 45 minutes.
It's not every day I get to say I know
someone who writes erotica. It's definitely not every day that I get
to put up (what I consider) pretty damn good erotica on my pages. And it's definitely not every day you get a free download of
said erotica. My people, Bwana Mahe Goat, he of the
'roasted ripe banana' fame [see ON THE DOWN LOW], is finally back in
circulation and he has a lot to say, most of it quite pornographic. See, the man has decided to become a (self) published author
of fine works of titillation. Yes, really. Don't frown, for a man who can be quite the goat, he writes some very
tender, yet downright kinky, porn. You don't believe me, do you? Come right this way, wacha nikuonyeshe...
Quick disclaimer. This is erotica and
therefore it will be, by necessity, explicit. This isn't one of my
langa warnings about the sewer, this is really explicit. Body parts and fluids are described in most vivid detail, there's twitching and impaling, hell, the only thing missing (in this excerpt) is cunnilingus. All I'm saying is,
it's porn, for real, but without the crude language, hence the erotic tag. Hang on, is porn still illegal? Hmmm... I
shall put in that 'read more' thingi to conceal the deviantness of this most excellent post, because those censor geniuses don’t know these things (I wish I was kidding). All the
genteel types gone? Excellent.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pride that I present Bwana Mahe, erotica writer.
SHE IS A PIECE OF ART.
An Excerpt.
As she worked on
the image, Michael stirred but moved only slightly. As she filled in
each detail, the image began to progressively resemble the man
sleeping silently before her. No detail escaped her observant eye,
and her skilled hand executed those details in no fewer splendours.
She felt that she
had finished her work, and noticed that an hour had passed. Susan
rose from the chair and moved to his bed and laid her sketchpad next
to Michael's nude form, coincidentally laying it in the same
orientation as Michael. Gently, she sat next to him on his right and
gazed into his sleeping face.
Slowly she placed
her right hand on his penis, wrapping her fingers around the
underside and lifted him. While his manhood was coming to life,
Michael's body remained asleep. She was softly stroking him, and when
he reached about two thirds his full natural size, she leaned over
him. Susan extended her tongue and began to lick the glans of his
semi-erect member. She swirled her tongue around its form, feeling
him twitch as she passed the sensitive parts on its underside.
This month's willing accomplice (read victim) is Jodo, the man behind the Writers Club, the man I have been known to stalk on occasion. Yes, I stalk the man, but only in the nicest way possible, and by that I mean I may have fawned over him in a most embarrassing fashion, such as I do. Don't look at me like that, I gush and I'm proud of it, so there. Ahem. I could write some long winded explanation of why I love what, and how, he writes, but instead I'll tell you a story. You know how I keep saying I don't get poetry? Last month, he did a post called Kitendawili, a poem three lines long, three words in each. I asked him what it was all about, all casual like, not wanting to look like a complete idiot, and he replied with three lengthy paragraphs, schooling me on bibi, babi and baba. Ten words, three paragraphs. To call the man fascinating is an understatement. To wit, this conversation. Heads up, if you don't speak Kiswahili, or sheng, you may need a translator. I would have done it, but I'm lazy, and not particularly fluent in either. And besides, I like how he sounds, the man has a flow about him. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the poet.
ALEX: Are you
up for a little poking into your mind?
JODO: Poking...isn't a polite word. ;)
Hahahaha...
No it isn't, but I couldn't think of a better one. How
are you this morning?
Nimeamka poa. Niliamka na tune ya 'My
Way' - Frank Sinatra [see playlist] ndio iko on replay.
I'd never have guessed. Sinatra?
Yes. Frank. Louis Amstrong,
'Wonderful World' [see playlist], it's a good morning.
When did you get into Sinatra, et
al? It's not something I hear many people talking about, I was half
expecting you to say Nas or something such like.
When? No date, used to listen to my
father's tapes of Jim Reeves, na pia I explore expression after.
Sijawai kutaka kua 'many people'. Nas pia is on my play lists, ana
poetry. Umeamkaje?
Niliamka poa, nothing playing yet,
listening to the church across the road.
Church is good, ata kama church kills
God.
Church kills God? Are you an
atheist, sir? Or just not a church goer? Hahahaha...
Haha. I believe in God. God is Love.
But church isn't? Love, that is.
Zii. Church ni social gathering. Pia
sio building, Christians wanajua 'the body is the temple of the holy
spirit', unapata? God is love. Love haiwezi kua church. God si
church. Christians husema the church is the bride of Christ.
That doesn't sound like the churches
around these days.
What does it sound like ?
These days the building seems to be
bigger than God himself. Churches seem to be all about the physical,
material, love I don't see too often. Hahahaha...
It's what it seems. God resides ndani
ya kila mtu, but hakuna kitu mpya chini ya jua. Si unajua, ama
unakumbuka, story ya Jesus Christ akiturn violent? Love...you don't
see often. Juzi nilikua napitia sermon on the mountain - blessed are
the pure in thought, they shall see God. Ile story ya beatitudes,
Matthew 5 hapo.
So God, faith, is important to you?
:)
Why the smile?
Hio swali imenichanganya.
Yea, faith ni muhimu.
Do you consider yourself a moral
person? Don't ask me what moral is... :-)
Hahahahaha. Kali. I try, but no.
I ask about moral because of your
job, you've written about it several times.
My job is immoral. :)
But you've managed to reconcile it
with your morals?
Kitu kama hio. Sijui ata morals zangu
ni zipi, tuseme principles...what's the difference?
I have no idea, to be
honest, I suspect they're the same thing. Morals, principles...a
code you live by. What are your principles?
Hehe...eish. Sijawai kaa chini kuzijua
kabisa, but nathink kuna vitu siezi fanya, like taking advantage of
an intoxicated woman. I think nilitoa hio kwa movie, but sijui.
Hahahaha... That's honest. The
job, are you part of the system? 'Hii system ni ya majambazi...' I
dont know where that came from.
Honesty ni principle, ama? Yes, I'm
in the system...'part of the system' unamean?
You talk about the job, serikali,
with some distaste, like you see how rotten it is, but then you're in
it, and you seem to like the work. I guess I'm wondering if you're
conflicted...
Nathink 'the system' ni ile report ya
jana, that % kubwa ya wealth, or more, iko na watu politically
connected. Watu wanafaa kujua serikali, but ni watu wanafanya
country isonge. Serikali sio kitu, ni watu, serikali ni mimi na wewe.
Watu wanahold the reigns of this thing inaitwa government, ndio
wanamisgovern. Conflicted, yes. Sijui kusema adequately vile
itaeleweka...samaki huoza ikianza kwa kichwa. Inaitwa civil service,
but hakuna service...na kama iko, sio civil. Unanipata?
You're an optimist, Jodo.
Really?!!
Yes, really.
Nimeona umerefer to Mashifta...
What happened to them, or am I the
one who lost touch? Hahahaha... Probably.
Haujapoteza touch. Hizi siku hawako
sana, but wanafanya stuff. Niko eternally grateful to Kalamashaka
nikiona Juliani, and the vibrant entertainment scene.
What do you think of the music
coming out these days? Who do you like?
Nimetry kufikiria artistes wengine, but
nimeona ni songs moja moja zao nalike.
Let's start with Juliani then,
educate me, I only know a couple of tracks, and even then kijuujuu...
Is he as good as they say he is? I keep reading that he's the real
deal, ki Kshaka, conscious music, not kapuka like akina Prezzo. Then
again, Ksouth had a track called kapuka so...
Kapuka serves a need. It is from the
Ksouth song that baptised some songs as so.
Really?
Yea. Now am feeling low.
Why? What did I say, man?
Nimethink tu 'consciousness' haiko
valued, na more knowledge more grief. Nimeamua kusikia 'Loliwe' ya
Zahara [see playlist].
Beautiful song.
The lyrics pia ni fine tu sana.
Simple. Ulikua unaulizia music...
...to figure out your writing, you
reference music constantly.
I write to a beat. :) My heart beat.
Brilliant line. I will steal that.
Hahahaha. Speaking of heartbeats, two women feature on the blog,
recently at least. Your grandma and an unnamed woman. :-) Do you
like writing about love?
Love. It's all I write. :)
This is why I like talking to you,
never a simple answer.
That's a simple answer. No?
No, it's a poet's answer.
Remember that Dylan quote - a poet is a
naked person...
Bob Dylan I'm guessing.
Writing about love, in all its forms, is it a poet thing?
Sijui about poets, najua tu there are
two kinds of writers – poets...and liars?
Now that you have to explain.
Hahahaha... Are you saying truth is poetry, or is it the other way
around, poetry is truth?
Hehe. I picked it up from an old
movie. Sasa umeamua za logics, design ya akina aristotle... Jesus
aliulizwa na Pointius Pilate, 'What is truth?'
Na akasema...
Alinyamaza.
Hahahahaha... Talk of truth always
reminds me of Jack Nicholson, 'A Few Good Men', “You want truth?
You can't handle truth...”
Kabisa.
Luo. The elephant in the room these
days it seems. From what I've been
reading, being Luo is complicated. There's a Luo renaissance going
on. Part pride, part anger, part shame...
Renaissance... I like that word. How
is being Luo complicated?
Now you man, si I'm asking you?
Hehe.
Is being Luo any different from
being Kuyo, or Kenyan for that matter?
Haven't been a 'kuyo'. :) And there
is nothing like 'Kenyan', tutafika tu one day. I think sisi wote
tuko different, individually na culturally. Kuna vile we perceive
things as a group, and as we are percieved... But stereotypes pia ni
a sort of laziness... Nikiparaphrase 'Up In The Air', it's faster na
easier.
So, is the renaissance I'm seeing,
reading, an attempt to refute the Luo stereotype?
OK. The Luo kuna vile wamebebwa na
vile wamejibeba. Ukieza control mind ya mtu, utamcontrol.
Hang on, wamebebwa na wamejibeba?
How wako perceived and how they
perceive themselves, kitu kama hio.
How do they perceive themselves?
Is it not evident in how 'they' carry
themselves? Pride. How they are percieved - arrogant. Hio tu
nasema ni juujuu, but there is more to it than that, unafaa utafute
sociologist aseme. It is presumptuous of me to claim kua authority.
It's not about authority, I'm asking
your opinion because I think your opinion is valid, useful. Why is
it so hard for us to talk about tribe?
Hapo sasa. Nilikua nikuambie, now you
can't avoid politics.
Why should we avoid politics? We
both spend a fair bit of time throwing stones at politicians no?
Inarudi kwa kitu nilisikia kama wa
Kshaka akisema, 'Kabila ni mbili tu - maskini na mdosi'. Politics is
too important a thing to be left to politicians. Tulianza kuongea
system na wealth inafuatana na power, mostly political. Unacheki ni
cycle tu. Haufeel fire flani ndani yako? Truth si kitu easy. :)
Uliquote Hollywood, 'can't handle the truth'.
You don't put much stock in tribe do
you? From the Kshaka quote, sounds like you see past the myth.
Tribe ni muhimu from the point of view
ya identity, a sense of belonging. Tukiongea ata kilinguistically,
hii kilami tunaongea i.e. English, ni mother tongue ya England,
French - France, German- Germany, Chinese – China... Think Maasai.
Think names.
Traditions?
Hio ni part ndogo tu, but it all adds
up kua culture ya mtu. Think Jews, Orthodox or non practising.
Now that's tricky. Their culture is
entwined with their religion, actually, the religion is what binds
them together. European, African, American...all Jews, but different
cultures.
OK, that's tricky, true, but even
within hizo communities wanaishi, kuna vile wako different na wana
associate to each other as one. Religion yao kwao is a big part of
their culture.
It's an all the time thing, not just
on Sunday like the Christians. :-)
Hehe. Una ubaya na Christians.
Hahahaha. Uchokozi.
Eddie Griffin hulike pia kuwachokoza.
Christianity ni kama convinience, ama ya kuandikwa kwa C.V.
You know. I'm bothered by people
using religion as an excuse for...foolishness...
Foolishness is a human right. :) What
sort of folly?
The folly of being
passive, refusing to question, forgive and forget, love thy
neighbour. What if my neighbour is a thieving idiot? Hahahaha. We
have digressed... Tribe, identity, culture. Are we doomed as a
country to remain separate but equal? Kila mtu na chake and God for
us all?
It's not a country thing, it's human.
Cry, beloved country? :)
Why cry when I can mock endlessly?
:-) Any thoughts on Boniface?
Boniface Mwangi. Yule alisema
'ameretire' from activism juu ya selfishness yetu, watu wa kenya?
Thoughts...about nini haswa?
About his 'activism', retirement,
selfish Kenyans...
He played his part. Kuna ile poem ya
lauryn hill, 'Motives and Thoughts' [see playlist]. Story ni yeye ndio anajua nini
alikua ameset out kuachieve, hadi aka choka. Siri ni ya watu watatu,
'shetani, mungu na wewe'. The backstory. Ametushow that activism ni
choice.
Do you think of yourself as an
activist? I know its become a bad word these days, but I mean it in
the simplest sense, agitating for change. :-)
Yes.
Have you always been?
I want to believe I have.
How old are you Jodo? And do you
play bball? Hahahaha...
29 in may. No, I don't play bball.
You can't be called Jodo and not
play ball, that's an...oxymoron? I'm from the Michael Jordan era,
clearly.
Actually jodo ni martial art, ama ni a
short bamboo stick inatumika kwa martial art ya Japan.
Are you a karate
expert?
I'm no expert. An admirer of arts.
Nilijoin karate club in high school as a buffer for bullies.
Born and bred in Nai?
Nairobi born and bred.
Eastlands?
Hapo sasa.
You've done a couple of posts about
the other side of the highway, is there a divide in our lovely city?
:-)
:) The city in the sun.
Because other cities have no sun.
Ha! We are quite special, us Nairobians.
Unique. We feel special...or think we
are.
Pride. Seen as arrogance. :-)
Hehe.
The divide, is it east and west, or
rich and poor?
Ni universal.
Nikiendeleza what umesema, east - china- poor - bad...west- good-
rich...
But west has poor too, and east has
rich.
True. Kuna place ya the rich na the
poor everywhere, like birds of a feather.
Our governor, any
progress being made?
Nice traffic lights...
Hahahaha. Very fancy, no?
Uliniita optimist. Fancy. :) This is
a city!!
Not a city, THE city. In the sun.
With a park.
Hapo sawa. Haha. Progress...sijui.
Ama hana PR machinery poa.
Unlike Alfred?
Phd in journalism, but at least kuna
steps made. Hata hivo, swali ni expectations zetu ni nini, as
Wanairobi.
That was my next question, what are
you hoping for?
Better days. :) Clean city, clean
streets. Security. Planned developments. I want more. Traffic iwe
better, affordable housing for all, maji...and so on.
Do you know who your ward rep is?
'Mbunge wangu simjui/ alidisappear
after election/ lakini najua zikikaribia zitareappear kam christ
resurrection!' - Kshaka
Hahahahahaha...so true. I know my
MP...
:) Good, knowledge is power. I know
my president.
...nilimwona TV kule Kisumu
akishughulikia mambo ya party elections. :-D Ward rep I have no
clue.
Hahahaha. Pole. Inaitwa democrazy.
I blame myself...
Don't. Why do you?
Kidero invited the public for
consultations for the budget, but I'm too busy, no? Then I complain
I wasn't consulted, na consultant simjui? My fault.
It isn't a coalition government, inakaa
kwetu it's just an attempt for show. It's all our fault, our leaders
are a reflection of us. However, I want to know that what I say will
be taken seriously. Ati mwanamume ni effort. Tsk.
How to get heard, that's the issue.
Pull a Boniface with foam babies, or Omtatah with chains. Or Jodo
with poems...
First, true
revolutionaries do not flaunt their radicalism. They cut their hair,
put on suits and infiltrate the system from within." - Saul
Alinsky. Second ni the education, na the unlearning of all we've
heard of. Politics as politricks...is a dirty game. It. Is. Not. A.
Game!
But a cynic would argue that life is
all a game, pata potea.
It is. But then again it isn't. :)
Hahahaha. It's complicated.
We need to redefine what 'politics' is.
What is politics, issues or
competitions?
Politics, sijui ni nini. By
definition, wanasema ni vile tunaeza get kugovern, vile power inaeza
tumika kushare resources.
But we can't all govern, can we?
We can all govern. We all govern. The
basic unit of government is the family. Our contribution iko from
nyumbani, to shule, to work na hivo.
So, rethink our politics, infiltrate
the system, rebuild from the bottom up, as well as top down?
Haha. By any means necessary. Rethink
ourselves and the role we 'play'. ;)
Last question. What
question haven't I asked, that you want to answer?
Haha.... Naskiza Susan Boyle singing
'I dreamed a dream' [see playlist].
Your playlist is bloody amazing, so
random. :-) Continue...
Sijui swali ipi hujaniuliza na
ningetaka uniulize.
I have one, why do you
sound like two different people?
Huh? Aje hivo? Hehehe.
On the blog you're the Queen's
English spouting poet. On email, and now chat, you're the guy from
across the way. You're bilingual. :-)
Hehe. Nikiwa campo, ata nishawai
kushow, when a friend heard me speak English alisema ni kama am
speaking in tongues.
Is what I'm saying...
Hio swali sina jibu.
I know, that's why I asked. :-)
Thank you for your morning sir, it's been really good.
Imekua poa, thanks sana. Blessed.
Something random, a prayer: God bless the work of my words.
