Page 3 is fast becoming my favourite page in the paper, if for no other reason than because it usually has a spectacularly pointless example of random news, often not very well written; like the one about Miss Deaf Kenya (bravo, madam) which had a caption giving examples of other BLIND people who’ve made a name for themselves. Yesterday’s paper was no exception, there was a story about a helicopter that made an emergency landing in the middle of shags. Given the recent helicopter issues we’ve been having, I can see why there would be some interest, but that wasn’t the story, was it? Inside said helicopter was a white man on his way to drop his two children off at school, children in the aircraft as well (picture included). That’s right folks, when raia like us are busy worrying about traffic and the price of fuel, fare, bread, etc, there are others ferrying their kids to school by chopper. My friend, do not ringa for me in traffic with your Jaguar XJmany, look up… huko bado hujafika. I’m just saying. Now while that article had me laughing and depressed at the same time, I was a touch disappointed with the writer. See, I was hoping he’d take that story and begin a discussion on
’s 1%, but alas, it was not to be. He was content to quote a child saying his mommy only stayed home on this particular morning to take care of the dogs. Wow! Kenya
In other helicopter related news, our politicians had an entire weekend of funerals and not a campaign slogan was thrown, not even once. You have to love these buggers, when they go for random funerals in the back of beyond, they insist on uttering all kinds of nonsense over the open grave, using the podium to spew all manner of rubbish at a public that more often than not couldn’t really give a hoot, showing complete disrespect for the mourning family. But when its one of their own? Not a peep, its all hand holding and respectful silence. And don’t even get me started on how they’re all clamouring to unleash details of some secret ‘pact’ they had with the late, he that must have been either the best secret keeper ever (not likely) or a duplicitous bastard playing all sides (also not likely). Two faced little shits the whole lot of you, trying to score points when the body’s not even cold yet. Ptuh! That’s right, I spit on all of you, so there! And speaking of irritating, who’s behind those banners of the late hanging across my road? Ati ‘True Patriot’? What the fuck kind of crack are you smoking? Just because we’re mourning (are we?), that doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Useless buggers. Moving on…
Rumour has it the budget was read last week, at least I think it was, I’m not really sure, the only way I can usually tell the budget was read is by the ridiculous traffic in the CBD on said day, pictures of sleeping MP’s on the evening news and the resultant price increase at the local a day later, none of which were experienced. There wasn’t even a front page article in the papers with the arrows and shit. I mean really, I thought that’s what their graphic artists live for? To be completely honest, and possibly blonde, from the write ups I can’t tell what went up or down. There’s talk of tax on rental income, but that’s always been there. Excise duty on booze? No, nothing new. VAT? Can’t tell. What the hell man? Can someone please tell me in simple English what, if anything, has changed? Anyone?
And speaking of sleeping MP’s, have they moved into their new digs yet? I want to see my MP sitting on that 200k chair all day every day for the next however many days we have left together. Figure I might as well get good value for my money, no? Incidentally, my MP was recently quoted as telling us to vote for a dog. Boss, we did that the last time and it got us nowhere, clearly. Any more bright ideas chief?
And in news further a field, the Ukrainian PM is in trouble for having a beer. Seems the man went and made a bet with a Swedish fan that he’d buy a pint if his boys won their next match at Euro 2012, and being a man of his word he duly invited the fan over after the game, for said pint. Beer is had, photos are taken and what not, everyone’s happy, right? Turns out not so much, the opposition party now wants him charged with breaking the law. They claim, “It is shameful and inadmissible when the leaders of the country contradict the law and the principles of defending morality by beginning to publicise consumption of strong drink during working hours and on state premises.” Eh? Do you not have serious problems over in
? Racist hooligans, for example. The moral of the story? Mututho is not the only legislator who hates to see people having a good time. Ukraine
Last but not least, definitely not least, I stumbled across this little piece of brilliance, Why Kenyan Women Fear Romney. This one I’m not summarising for you, go read it for yourself. I’m off to have a very big whiskey, I’ll pick this up later when I’ve done a bit more research, hopefully by then I won’t be as pissed off as I am right now, she says, rubbing her ears, wooosaaaa.............