Religion and I don’t get along. We parted company many years back after we disagreed on a couple of basic points, pastors living in mansions while their flock lived in shacks, priests buggering small boys, the whole no condom thing… minor issues I admit, but we decided that it was best to separate, he got the house, I got the dog. Faith on the other hand, she and I had been friends all my life, we grew up together, she kept me going through the dark days of awkward teenage-hood. Then one day I realised I was all grown up and Faith and I had next to nothing in common anymore, so we’re on a break. Once in a while we’ll talk on the phone, just to say hi. That said, I have great respect for those who’ve managed to maintain their BFF relationship with Faith in this cynical world, more power to you.
That was a disclaimer. I am about to start ranting and I don’t need the crazy zealots coming after me, not today.
Why not today? Because I haven’t had much sleep, my neighbour kept me up till 2 in the morning. Pick a fight with me today at your own peril… Why did he/she/they keep me up? Because my neighbour’s an exorcist, that’s why. You heard me, exorcist!
Now I’m all for religious freedom and all that jazz, but when my upstairs neighbour takes to making random requests to the Most High, ‘in the name of Jaayyyssssusss…”, at NEMA-banned decibel levels, at 1:00 am in the morning, for two nights running now…
What on earth could possibly be so important that you would feel the need to spend 2 hours late at night, scratch that, very early in the morning, shouting to the heavens? Shouting. I know the heavens are way waaaay up there, but I thought the whole point of the omnipresent omnipotent bit was that He can hear very well? It’s not like you have to struggle to be heard over the din of the heathen masses, we’re all asleep, or out somewhere sinning, you have Him all to yourself. And what’s with the American Southern Baptist accent? What, you don’t think He understands your Kenyan (and I use this term loosely) English? But I digress…
What on earth could possibly be so important that you would feel the need to spend 2 hours late at night, scratch that, very early in the morning, shouting to the heavens? Shouting. I know the heavens are way waaaay up there, but I thought the whole point of the omnipresent omnipotent bit was that He can hear very well? It’s not like you have to struggle to be heard over the din of the heathen masses, we’re all asleep, or out somewhere sinning, you have Him all to yourself. And what’s with the American Southern Baptist accent? What, you don’t think He understands your Kenyan (and I use this term loosely) English? But I digress…
About this neighbour of mine who has taking to chanting in the depth of night. I figure there’s some deep seated issues going on there, so I’m not about to go bang on that door, live and let live no? I’m the last person to tell you how to spend your time in the dark. Seeing as the nocturnal chanting began only two days ago, I’m going to assume that these issues have only just surfaced and require your immediate attention, so by all means do whatever it is you see fit to deal with them. All I ask is that you keep it down a little. And drop the strange tweng.
In my experience, the one thing that always gets us calling up Faith
This can only mean that my neighbour’s a fucking exorcist!
Kai nikii?
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POSTSCRIPT (2 HOURS LATER...)
I find myself in (not so) the unique position of having to offer an apology and eat my words, turns out said neighbour has a convalescing relative staying with her, hence the prayers.
And now I feel like a complete shit! Good thing I didnt go banging on that door no?
Kai nikii?
_______________________________
POSTSCRIPT (2 HOURS LATER...)
I find myself in (not so) the unique position of having to offer an apology and eat my words, turns out said neighbour has a convalescing relative staying with her, hence the prayers.
And now I feel like a complete shit! Good thing I didnt go banging on that door no?
