Are you the one, for Ms K?

Now I am a self-confessed email junkie, I like nothing better than to receive a well crafted missive from a stranger, excited by the thought of new perspectives being shared, ever hopeful for an entertaining story.  Of course, being one of only three email lovers left in the world, my inbox is more often than not idle, despite my ardent pleading with the strangers that grace these pages, every morning I check my mail, only to find…nothing.  Not even spam. 

And then I get this:

Hello Alex,

I hope you're okay.

I'll go straight to the point. I need to pimp my dating life. Outside the Mingle and internet dating, what other ideas might you have that I can try for dating normal men in Nairobi?

If you suggest dating sites, which specific ones would you recommend? I have tried that and yielded a multitude of loonies. Bars are not my ideal kind of place for a pick up and since I don't go to church either, well that's not an option for me. Most business forums I attend seem too serious and almost all the men usually have a really thick wedding ring deeply slicing through their fat fingers.

I know you could be in more or less the same dilemma yet I'm still asking. Where do we get to meet the good men in Nairobi? Have you thought of starting a dating site? Maybe it could help us.

I like your blog, it is so real, painfully so. Yet somehow, I tend to think that you may get to meet some very interesting characters (men) out of this because some of the comments I see therein are so well thought out.

Thanks for the help.

Ms K

I haven’t edited anything, all I’ve left out is the lovely lady’s name.

You know how I spend a lot of time rambling on about whatever nonsense is on my mind, sharing my often flawed theories on relationships, and all that appertains, nonsense like that?  Well, every so often someone comes along and points out the (none too small) holes in my theories.  Case in point, this email.  See I’m always talking about the many good men out here, good men we often ignore, choosing instead to chase after illusions of knights in shining armour and fairytales, but the thing is, when put to task to identify these men, I’m left at a complete loss.  I am, in fact, blowing smoke, and not the good kind, out my own ass, and then up your (collective) ass. 

See my reply:

Hi Ms K,

How are you this evening?  Good, I hope, despite the foul weather.

Now this email of yours has me a bit stumped.  I've been asking myself the exact same question the last couple of days.  Thing is, I have no idea where these men can be met.  I know a couple of good men, but they're all friends I've known for ages, all happily married/taken.  The men I've been meeting lately, on the other hand, are not good men, but then again I only get to meet new men when I go out to the bar, because that's the only place I seem to go these days (so sad...).  

I'm not helping am I?  Sorry, let me try this again.  

I've recently concluded that the best way to meet men is through your friends, a pal of your pal and such like, like The Mingle, only with people you know, preferably without alcohol involved.      

Can I use your email for the next post on Sunday?  I'd like to put this question to the masses, see if we can get ideas, possibly from men themselves.  Incidentally, the guys you read commenting are interesting chaps, but I don't know a single one of them in person, I talk to a couple of them on email, but that's it.  For all the talk you see, it’s simply that, talk, but I think it’s because they aren't interested in me, specifically.  But they do seem to be looking.  What I'm saying is that the dating site/blog idea may actually work.  Again, I want to float it to the rest of the crowd, see what the reaction is.  Many heads and what not, no?  

Regarding dating sites, I tried dating.co.ke (I think), one whose name I can't remember (it was only 2 weeks, and they were bad), metrodate and badoo.  Badoo looked interesting, but at that point I was tired and gave up, it might be worth a try.  Metro was interesting because of the format, I made some good friends on that one, crap dates though (ha!), but I have to admit, I probably didn't pick very well.  The dating one is a no go zone, despite the fact that I met an amazing man there (he was a fluke).  Truth is, I'm not sure meeting men online is a good idea any more, not unless you treat it simply as an introduction and get offline as soon as possible/safe.  

I'm sorry, I'm really not helping, but I will.  Give me a couple of days to do some research, fingers crossed a solution shall present itself.

Take care, talk soon.


The reason I’ve put up my reply as well?  Transparency.  I figure if a generous stranger is willing to let me use her words, then I should be willing to use mine as well, because at the end of the day, I’m in the same boat she is, no?  Perhaps not, I’m starting to think my problems are of my own making, but that’s a sad and pathetic story for another day. 

First things first, there’s a poll, so go vote.  I know, us Kenyans have little to no trust left in the electoral process, but here at Kai Nikii?, we believe in basic math, so there shall be no Nithi-type counting of the onetena hundredvariety.  What are you voting on?  Matters renovation.  I’ve been thinking of adding more pages to the blog, an idea inspired, in part, by a gentleman blogger whom I like to read constantly refusing to tell his more personal cum intimate stories on his blog.  If you’ve been reading for a while now, you’ve probably seen comments from other bloggers saying the same, that they’re not comfortable telling their stories, ati because they’re not undercover like the some of us deviants.  Hence, ON THE DOWN LOW…  That’s the new page I want to add, for anyone who has a story to tell, and I mean anyone.  Vote, tell me if you think it’s a good idea.  Another page I’m considering, now convinced by the email from Ms K, is THE PERSONALS, because you know I love the personals so damn much.  I figure, if there’s a woman reading this blog, and she’s looking to meet a guy, and there’s a man reading this blog, and he’s looking to meet a girl, well then, why not meet here?  You buggers seemingly loved the post about the gem dude, some of you perhaps a bit too much, so why not spin it into our own little classifieds section?  All I’m saying is if a ‘commentator’ happens to suggest that he/she is looking for…whatever he/she is looking for, and someone reading said comment feels inclined to make an approach, why not?  Stop looking at me like that, if you’re reading a post about relationships, odds are either you’re looking for one, or you’re in one, and perhaps looking for another. Alternatively, maybe you just like to read my masterful wordplay.  No?  Didn’t think so.  Either way, there’s a poll, express your opinion on this most flimsy idea.

Which brings me to the real point of today’s post.  I, and other singles like me (well, not entirely like me, I’d hope they’re more…umm…focused?), want to know, where exactly are the normal/sane/good men, and women for that matter, to be found?  I realise talking about ‘good’ is somewhat complicated, especially seeing as only last week I was insisting that the definition is specific to the individual, but perhaps that also needs to be part of the conversation, why not tell us what you think a good man or woman is.  Ladies, if you’re looking, tell us how you’re going about your search, is the search working?  Share, give us the skinny, the good, the bad and the downright hideous.  If you’ve already found your good man, what’s he like, where did you find him, how did you find him, what’s your story?  Again, share…  Gentlemen, I’ll be needing your help on this one too.  Do you consider yourself a good man, or at the very least a normal one?  Are you looking for a good woman, or at the very least normal?  Do you even have any problems finding said woman?  What is your definition of a good woman?  Where do you think you’ll find her, if you haven’t, and if you have, where did you find her? 

If nothing else, I need someone, anyone, to answer this one question, where are good men, and women, found?  If you are a good man, or woman, stand up and be counted.  If you are not, well, stand up and be counted too, if only so we know to avoid you, next time.  If you don’t know what to say, phone a friend and steal someone else’s bright ideas.  And if you think this is a (possibly inane) conversation that doesn’t need to be had, stand up too and tell us why, sceptics and cynics are always welcome in this house. 

Hang on…come back here.  Before you walk away without saying anything, know that there will be no other post forthcoming until Ms K gets what she came here for, even if it takes all month.  That’s right, I’m making like the po-po and going on a go-slow.  I will now proceed to jam my own frequency.  Start typing my lovelies…