I love a good idea as much as the next (wo)man, and I’m all for great visions and all, seeing as how I can be a bit of a dreamer every once in a while, but even I draw the line at stupid ideas, and Nairobi 2024 is a very stupid idea. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the Olympics, I love that we spend the better part of a month every four years watching all manner of sports that we can barely even comprehend, like the one with the horses in matutas prancing about to music (how is that not cruelty to animals, making a grown ass animal wear ribbons?). The Olympics are the one time we get to appreciate just how many ways one can earn a living in this world without a university degree, so I say bring on the party! So what if I cant understand the scoring system in synchronised swimming, or why fencing doesn’t look nearly as sexy as it did in that Bond movie (the one with the North Korean chap with diamonds in his face)? I’m still watching, no? But the fact that me and mine (my sisters are Olympic junkies, they even watched the sailing, I’m not lying...) are happy to sit and watch this nonsense should in no way be taken to mean that we are willing to pay for it. Nairobi
Every so often our genius politicians come up with what can only be described as foolish plans, and the PM is no exception, if anything his fondness for a microphone, any microphone, combined with the coming elections pretty much guarantees us many months of loose statements and empty promises, but this time the man has gone too far, too far dammit! In what world would we have the resources to mount this bid, this from a city that can’t even get ISO certified without a fraud scandal emerging? Really? Have they done any form of research into this brilliant scheme, or is this yet another one of his cockamamie schemes to get onto the front page? Because the last time I checked, even the (allegedly rich) Chinese are still paying for their brilliant extravaganza, and this is four years later. Don’t take my word for it, read this: Do olympic host cities ever win? I’m starting to think that there’s something in the water these buggers are drinking in first class…
But no, wait, our sports minister is quoted as saying, “As a nation we are very much alive to what it really takes to hold an event of this magnitude, but Kenya
What’s that? I’m being too cynical? Me? Never! I’ve always wanted to watch live badminton, no? You know what, if hosting the damn things will get the geniuses who build our (and I use this term most loosely) roads to bump off the roundabouts on the highway, and maybe even finish a few more bypasses, and maybe, just maybe, add a loose bus stop or two on Mombasa Road, then why not? Progress, right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back to watching reruns of the javelin competition, while sipping on my bandia first class water and smoking my not so vintage crack, because the sight of a Kenyan throwing a pointed object WITHOUT intent to maim must surely be celebrated. How pathetic is it that Mr Yego Mr Rudisha
I am suffering mild depression due to lack of world domination.
On the up side though, I now officially have a crush on one Mr Blake
