There are days...

… the newspapers, and the characters that populate their pages, test me, to my limits.  I know I’ve asked this before, but really, tell me, are these buggers on crack? 

First up, one Kilonzo, not the minister, the other one, the groupie.  This genius tables a report allegedly from the British government, but he doesn’t bother to verify it.  I assume he didn’t bother to verify it because if he had, he would’ve noted the many silly mistakes contained therein.  Here’s a hint sir, if you get an important document with the word important misspelled, its probably not that important.  Just a thought…  Thanks to him, we were collectively subjected to a lesson in English by the English, thereby proving that we actually no speaka de English, collectively.  Thanks chief.

Next up on today’s shit list is the author of a brilliant article in the Standard headlined ‘Experts warn economy cannot sustain pay hikes’.  The experts in question were in fact just one dude, a Mr Ogwen, ‘a leading commentator on economic issues’.  No wait, there’s another one quoted in the second last paragraph, a Mr Matanga from Masinde Muliro University, concurring with Ogwen.   Now I’ve never been to journalism school so perhaps I just don’t know these things, but from what little methodology I learnt doing my undergrad thesis, when you quote an ‘expert’ you need to state the qualifications that make said genius an expert, otherwise he’s just another bugger with an opinion, no?  This is the equivalent of someone saying ‘Experts declare Kai nikii? the best blog ever’, and then going ahead to quote a Mr Alex, leading commenter on Kenyan blogs.  What the…  Moving on swiftly. 

The whores are back in the news, and this time they’re speaking for themselves.  They took to the streets, decked out in red no less, to protest harassment by kanjo askaris and demanding the right to pay taxes.  No really, they want to pay taxes.  Say it with me…Eh?  What for?  Security?  Better healthcare?  Human rights?  Ptuh!  (That’s me spitting to the side by the way…)  Listen all you lovely prostitutes, the rest of us pay taxes and we’re not much better off than you lot, hell, we can’t even afford swanky red outfits.  By all means, get legal if you want to, but be careful what you wish for my dears, KRA will fuck you (over), and then they’ll charge your ass for the privilege.  Hang on, in this case that might qualify as karma no?

In other news, Kenyan religious leaders have now acknowledged that their approach to AIDS has ‘contributed to stigma, shame, silence, denial, discrimination, inaction, and mis-action(?) that continue to undermine the national HIV prevention, treatment and care efforts’.  And it only took two decades.  Ptuh!  (This time I’m spitting on them, bloody idiots!)  On a brighter note though, one Pastor Bulimo of the Friends Church, when asked if his church would be promoting condom use, is quoted as saying, “If Jesus was here today and saw the youth burning with desire and unable to abstain, would he not give them options?”  I couldn’t make this shit up if you paid me.

And last and definitely least, Mtukufu Rais has informed us that we shall head to the polls next year.  One more year of crappy politics and idiot politicians?  That’s just brilliant!

This Sunday, I’m listening to Eric ‘he that has owned my heart since Beats of the Season 95’ Wainaina, I suggest you do the same.

“Shetani akamwuliza Mtakatifu Petero, ni kulala mnalala au vipi…”