The truth, the whole truth...

Myth no 1:  You can’t meet a good man (or woman) in the bar.

Says who?  The geniuses who frequent plays, churches, libraries and such like in an attempt to get a serious man?  Please!  Where do you think they were last night?  Why do you think they’re swaying like a palm tree in a hurricane?  Its not because they’re moved by the hallelujahs you’re singing, they’re still high, seeing double.  Where better to meet a man than in the bar, he is under the influence of great spirits and therefore more likely to act like the real idiot he is.  Better the devil you know and such like…

Myth no 2:  Women don’t date broke guys.

Damn right we don’t.  Gents, dating involves money, broke men have no money, ergo we don’t date broke men.  It’s not exactly rocket science is it? 

Myth no 3:  Women don’t date nice guys.

Oh yes we do, we love nice guys.  Only if they’re rich though…

 

Myth no 4:  Men aren’t only interested in looks, they want brains too.

What for?  To play football with?  Maybe sauté with garlic a la Hannibal?  Men wouldn’t know a brain if it hit them on the head with a shovel.  When I meet the idiot who started that vicious rumour I will castrate him, and then I’ll send his parts to his (allegedly) brainy wife!  Twit!  Ladies, your brain comes a distant, distant second to the size of your ass, or boobs, so distant in fact it comes third in a two horse race.

Myth no 5:  Men hate weaves.

Really?  Then why do all the whores on K-street have them?  If men didn’t fantasise about long luscious (blonde) locks then the purveyors of fleshy delights wouldn’t waste their hard-earned cash on dyed horse hair.   

Myth no 6:  All men cheat.

If you strictly limit cheating to the exchange of (lower) bodily fluids and what not, then this myth holds no water whatsoever.

Myth no 7:  Bald men have high testosterone levels and are therefore greater lovers.

No to the testosterone, yes to the greatness.  Without hair to comb they have time for more pleasurable pursuits don’t they?

Myth no 8:  Kao’s are great lovers.

Yes they are.  When they’re bald.

Myth no 8:  Beautiful women are crap in bed.

Not true, its just that she doesn’t like to sleep with ugly people like you, you’re a bit of a turn off.  But stick a mirror above your bed and watch her go...

Myth no 9:  I know what I’m talking about. 

Or not.